Bullying

I was bullied in primary school and junior high because I was a skinny nerd in schools on military bases. Then Dad died and I was moved to an all white school in Virginia in 1961. There I was bullied because I was a skinny nerd who could not be silent about the horror of racism I saw and heard in school. I was beaten.

As a doctor, I heard a million bully stories of so many kinds, so much hurt. Recently I gave two talks in a county suffering from an epidemic of bullying. I have revisited my growing up being bullied these last two months and studied these three current sources:

  1. Bullied A Teaching Tolerance Documentary from the Southern Poverty Law Center
  2. The Bully Society by Jessie Klein (2012)
  3. Bully the documentary by Lee Hirsch now in theaters

I realized that I want to get involved nationally, even internationally, to stop these nightmares of our children. I will contact the Bully Project and see what I can do. Maybe it can be a wedge to push teaching the intelligence of loving in K-12—more important than mathematics, 1 hour/day—5 days/week for 13 years. Maybe I can connect with Lady Gaga, who is a spokesperson against bullying and we can creatively approach young and old alike. You reading this…make your commitment and be an instrument to stop bullying, at least study the three resources above. Love all people.

Yesterday I was in Chicago for the big protest against NATO. We marched for peace and justice for all people, with all the country’s Occupy movements; my friends, Code Pink, so many from so many organizations (Yay! Food Not Bombs and Free Bradley Manning, National Nurses United and so many more). All desiring to have everyone cared for and nature, too. I saw a very small group present all dressed in solid black with black masks, called the “Black Block”. I heard them chant “fuck the cops” and I felt that even peace marches have bullies. I wondered what part of peace and justice “fuck the cops” is? I talked with them and they didn’t see the contradictions. For many, I could feel their probable disappointment if they didn’t get to “fuck the cops” before the day was over. At no other time during the preparation did I see any other intent to do violence. The long 2 mile march of many thousands also produced no violence. All the while the police were suited up in bulky black riot gear and stood rigid with a stern look that was so severe that it looked comical to me. I clowned extremely, the entire walk—next to hundreds of police—I saw no act of aggression. Only two broke a smile on the entire course—I was using the “triple threat” (Cheek spreader, Billy Bob teeth and snot)—I had the worst clown record I’d had in 50 years. So here was a place for bullies in protecting the dangerous perpetrators in NATO. It was obvious that some couldn’t wait to hit a marcher. Funny how the media blows up these two bully groups instead of the amazing multitude showing peace and love. I want a world where no one could conceive of hurting each other.

The Bully Society inspired me to beef up my library on bullying. Here are the ones I ordered:

Alder, Christine, and Anne Worrall. Girls' Violence: Myths and Realities. Albany: State University of New York, 2004. Print.
Ames, Mark. Going Postal. London: Snow, 2007. Print.
Barkow, Jerome H., Leda Cosmides, and John Tooby. The Adapted Mind: Evolutionary Psychology and the Generation of Culture. New York: Oxford UP, 1992. Print.
Bochenek, Michael, and A. Widney. Brown. Hatred in the Hallways: Violence and Discrimination against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Students in U.S. Schools. New York: Human Rights Watch, 2001. Print.
Brown, Brooks, and Rob Merritt. No Easy Answers: The Truth behind Death at Columbine. New York: Lantern, 2002. Print.
Brownmiller, Susan. Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1975. Print.
Chancer, Lynn S. Sadomasochism in Everyday Life: The Dynamics of Power and Powerlessness. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers UP, 1992. Print.
Currie, Elliott. Road to Whatever: Middle-class Culture and the Crisis of Adolescence. New York: Henry Holt, 2005. Print.
Faber, Adele, and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk so Kids Will Listen: Group Workshop Kit Workbook. New York: Negotiation Institute, 1980. Print.
Fausto-Sterling, Anne. Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality. New York, NY: Basic, 2000. Print.
Hinduja, Sameer, and Justin W. Patchin. Bullying beyond the Schoolyard: Preventing and Responding to Cyberbullying. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin, 2009. Print.
Kupchik, Aaron. Homeroom Security: School Discipline in an Age of Fear. New York, NY: New York UP, 2010. Print.
Lakoff, George. Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think. Chicago: University of Chicago, 2002. Print.
Levine, Madeline. The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids. New York: HarperCollins, 2006. Print.
Lobel, Kerry. Naming the Violence: Speaking out about Lesbian Battering. Seattle: Seal, 1986. Print.
Martino, Wayne, and Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli. So What's a Boy?: Addressing Issues of Masculinity and Schooling. Maidenhead, Berkshire, England: Open UP, 2003. Print.
Messerschmidt, James W. Nine Lives: Adolescent Masculinities, the Body, and Violence. Boulder, CO: Westview, 2000. Print.
Miller, Jody. Getting Played: African American Girls, Urban Inequality, and Gendered Violence. New York: New York UP, 2008. Print.
Milner, Murray. Freaks, Geeks, and Cool Kids: American Teenagers, Schools, and the Culture of Consumption. New York: Routledge, 2004. Print.
Namie, Gary, and Ruth Namie. The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job. Naperville, IL: Source, 2000. Print.
Newburn, Tim, and Elizabeth Anne Stanko. Just Boys Doing Business?: Men, Masculinities, and Crime. London: Routledge, 1994. Print.
Newman, Katherine S. Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings. New York: Basic, 2004. Print.
Olds, Jacqueline, and Richard Schwartz. The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-first Century. Boston: Beacon, 2009. Print.
Pollack, William S. Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood. New York: Random House, 1998. Print.
Postman, Neil. Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business. New York: Penguin, 1986. Print.
Prothrow-Stith, Deborah, and Howard R. Spivak. Sugar and Spice and No Longer Nice: How We Can Stop Girls' Violence. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2005. Print.
Pugh, Allison J. Longing and Belonging: Parents, Children, and Consumer Culture. Berkeley: University of California, 2009. Print.
Russell, Diana E. H. The Politics of Rape: The Victim's Perspective. New York: Stein and Day, 1975. Print.
Sanday, Peggy Reeves. Fraternity Gang Rape: Sex, Brotherhood, and Privilege on Campus. New York: New York UP, 1990. Print.
Schor, Juliet. The Overspent American: Upscaling, Downshifting, and the New Consumer. New York, NY: Basic, 1998. Print.
Schor, Juliet. The Overworked American: The Unexpected Decline of Leisure. [New York, N.Y.]: Basic, 1991. Print.
Schwartz, Martin D., and Walter S. DeKeseredy. Sexual Assault on the College Campus: The Role of Male Peer Support. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 1997. Print.
Simmons, Rachel. Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. New York: Harcourt, 2002. Print.
Spina, Stephanie Urso. Smoke and Mirrors: The Hidden Context of Violence in Schools and Society. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 2000. Print.
Sue, Derald Wing. Microaggressions in Everyday Life: Race, Gender, and Sexual Orientation. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley, 2010. Print.
Sweetman, Caroline. Violence against Women. Oxford: Oxfam, 1998. Print.
Szalavitz, Maia. Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids. New York: Riverhead, 2006. Print.
Tanenbaum, Leora. Slut!: Growing up with a Bad Reputation. New York: Perennial, 2000. Print.
Twenge, Jean M. Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable than Ever before. New York: Free, 2006. Print.
Tyre, Peg. The Trouble with Boys: A Surprising Report Card on Our Sons, Their Problems at School, and What Parents and Educators Must Do. New York: Crown, 2008. Print.
Wiseman, Rosalind. Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World. New York: Three Rivers, 2009. Print.